Keep ourselves guessing

Tomorrow I begin a new and exciting adventure.  Well, I'm not sure how adventurous you would consider it, or even exciting, new is subjective as well.  But, for me, it is a change and will require a different set of disciplines, a new routine, and restructuring of my schedule.

I am a fairly new nurse, graduated with my BSN in December 2009.  A mature student when I began my endeavor, I had a very specific goal in mind.  I wanted to be a long term home care private nurse for hospice patients.

I had worked for years in customer service, administrative, and sales and was very used to and comfortable with an office environment.  It was safe, it was fairly predictable, it was boring!  I was coasting.  I usually liked to move around fairly frequently, every few years or so.  It held extreme boredom at bay temporarily, kept my income on an upward path, and I gained new experiences to add to the resume with each move I made.

After I lost my granddad in 2003, I felt like I was walking around in a daze for a while, I was mad at everyone.  My outward anger was simply misdirected at others when, in fact, I was very unhappy with my current state and felt as if it were really time for a big change.  It gave me a jolt that I needed to look deeply inside and ask myself what I was doing, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go.

I gave my notice and went back to school part time.  When I ran out of money I took a part time job with the understanding that I would be able to go to school as well and they would work with me.  This did not pan out so well however, and I just left.  I had had enough.

I had no savings, I had no checking, no retirement, no readily available cash, and no job.  But I was driven, I knew it was time for a big change.  I would spend hours in the woods walking with my dog, searching myself, trying to zero in on what it was I needed to be doing.  I had changed my major several times over the years and felt as if everything in my life to this point had brought me to where I was right now, where I needed to be.

Before I even knew there was such a thing, I had been drawn to people nearing the end of their lives, and to those who were losing their loved ones.  I felt a need to help them make sense of it, help them through the transition, help loved ones make peace etc.  It was a comfortable role for me and I was good at it. Once I learned it was a real thing, a real career I could work toward, I was off and running.  I was going to go to nursing school!  I was going to be a hospice nurse!

People and events were periodically placed in my path that provided exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it.  I applied to nursing school and made up my mind this was it!  'What if you aren't accepted?', people would ask.  It wasn't even something I would consider, it wasn't part of my plan, it wasn't even an option.  'Don't you want to have a back-up plan?', Again, not even a consideration or something I worried about, this was going to happen, I knew it!

I was accepted! I still remember the day I received that acceptance packet in the mail!  Such an exciting moment!!  Accepted, attended, made friends, learned lots, graduated, passed my NCLEX, got my license, got a job.  That last sentence could fill a book or two, so was greatly condensed.

Me and the very proud Mom!

I began my career in a hospital because that's what you do.  After going to school and doing clinicals for so long, it becomes the ultimate goal, the security, benefits, comfort levels etc.  I did this for a few months and left for a career in home care nursing.  I loved it and it loved me!  This was why I had gone to school and where I should have been.  I was not working with hospice patients by label, but very ill people that were in great need of care and their families as well.


I've been doing this for over two years now and recently, have been approached by another company and offered a position in a non-clinical environment for a nine month period and can return to where I am now if I choose.  I have become comfortable where I am in life, gotten in to a routine, become lazy in certain areas, and not challenging myself in others.

And while, like most people, I drag my feet kicking and screaming through changes, I also become excited about it at some point and truly thrive on it.  I look forward to new disciplines, the unpredictabilitiy of it all, the excitement of a new day, not knowing where I will be this time next year.

WHOO-HOO!!

Just like it is with our pets, we require some routines for stability, but it is also important there is a good amount of unpredictability to give us something to look forward to each day.  Something to keep ourselves guessing!

No matter how many times...

I am quite a bit late posting about what was a very exciting day for me back in September. After having put my weight back on and cutting back on the running quite a bit as well, I began training again, baby steps. I had gotten myself back up to running two full miles in a row, slow, but steady, and very difficult for me.

Two of my amazing friends, Elaine and Marti, had contacted me about a race for which they had both registered. It was not too early, was only a few miles from my home, and was on a Saturday. They were running the 10k, but there was also a 5k. Well, I almost felt like this was just too good to pass up and registered for the 5k with the intent to walk ALL of it if I felt I needed to, I just wanted to take some action. Do something!

When I arrived, I didn't see either of the girls and the 10k had already started. I wandered around and picked up my packet, met people and talked, took photos, then eventually wandered over to the 5k starting area. This was a very new race, I believe maybe the 2nd annual one they had held. It wasn't large, but I like it that way. There would be some country roads and I loved that!

The little B & O Train

I felt a little anxious just because I always feel a little bit that way before a race, but I was calmed by reminding myself I could start out walking and didn't need to run at all.  If I felt good once I warmed up I could run, but it wasn't a requirement. I was here to enjoy myself.

There were quite a few mature women, not so many heavier gals though. Before we knew it, they had us all moving up and positioning ourselves for the start and in the blink of an eye we were off and running? Running?  Yes, looking around and down, I realized I had taken off running!  What was I doing?  And I was still doing it.  Hmm, I guess that's okay, I can stop and walk when I feel like it.

The pack began stretching itself out, the faster runners off in the distance ahead of me and the rest of the pack in the distance behind me.  It felt odd, like I was in my own little world and I was thoroughly enjoying myself and my music!  I was running comfortably at a steady pace I felt I could continue, so I did.

Getting to that second mile, I was warmed up from my first mile, so I decided to keep going.  There were a few people here and there that I would pass or that would pass me and I would pass again later.  I really liked the route and it was very well organized, so running alone for quite a bit of the time wasn't intimidating, they had my back.

By the time I got to the third mile, there was no way I was going to walk.  I had come this far and I knew I could bring it on home at a run as well.  Setting my mind toward my goal I was thrilled to see we would be running down a very nice hill! Yaaaay!!  Then we rounded a corner and it was one of those long gradual and at times not so gradual, continuous uphills climbs.  Now, WHO would put the hill at the END of the race?!  I'm about out of get up and go juice!!  I grabbed a cup as I passed the water station and dug in.  I AM going to do this!

Heading up the hill, I slowed my pace intentionally and had a few sips periodically and continued to climb.  The 10k people were coming into the same turn as well from another direction and I saw many fast and graceful runners going by me at this time, just taking the hill by storm.  I looked over and realized that one of the people passing by me right now was Marti, one of my girlfriends that had talked me in to doing this race. She was flying! She also gave me a big smile and a wave and I was encouraged to continue.

Marti post race

I knew once I got to the top of the hill it leveled out and would stay that way to the finish.  I've Got This!

And I did too!!  I came in and found Marti and waited by the finish to get Elaine's photo as she crossed.  I was absolutely thrilled to have run the complete distance.  Especially knowing I went in with the intent to walk, and also knowing I hadn't gone three complete miles in a row for quite some time.  The fact that I was able to do this even with all the extra weight was just icing!!

Elaine crossing the finish!

When we were all settled in, eating and drinking post race, they announced overall winners and age group winners.  This was a really cool race in that they didn't just award 1st place age groupers, they also awarded 2nd and 3rd place winners in age groupers!!  Maybe, just maybe I stood a chance??

Here we are:  Elaine with her 1st place age grouper metal, Marti with her 2nd place age grouper metal, and me with my first 3rd place age grouper metal!!

I have gained additional weight and lost it and regained it since this race, and I haven't been running for quite a bit, but I haven't given up.  I am registered for a quarter marathon in March and a half marathon in May, (which my cousin has grudgingly agreed to do with me!).  Since this photo was taken Marti and Elaine have completed their very first full marathon and kicked it's ass!  And me, well, no matter how many times it takes, I'm going to keep getting right back up on that proverbial horse and try again.  This morning I hopped on my treadmill and starting slow, began my journey back.

Make a commitment and take action!

“The truth of the matter is that there's nothing you can't accomplish if: (1) You clearly decide what it is that you're absolutely committed to achieving, (2) You're willing to take massive action, (3) You notice what's working or not, and (4) You continue to change your approach until you achieve what you want, using whatever life gives you along the way.” ~Anthony Robbins

John Denver's 'Calypso'

My first full week back!

It is my first full week of running since trying to get back out at least three days a week and it has been very successful!! I prefer heading out in the mornings, but I work on Mondays, so I packed up a change of clothes and headed straight over to the woods right after work.  If I go home first, I'll never get back out again, the dogs will be all stressed out from my coming and going, and I run the risk of sitting down!  Once I sit....good luck! HAH!

Monday evening I did intervals, alternating walking and running with quarter mile increment runs, Wednesday I tried bumping up the run distance to a half mile each time, and then today my goal was to try to complete at least one full mile running without stopping.

My shins were sore from walking so much and trying to go faster this week, and my hips were aching terribly from running with the added weight, so I pulled out the heavy artillery today, my Mizuno Wave Prophecies!  These are some strong supportive (and heavier) shoes with a very nice spring to them.

I was not only able to run a complete mile today, but after my walk interval, I felt like trying again, thinking I would go only a half mile this time, but instead going another full mile!!  I was extremely pleased and proud for pushing myself because it is so much more difficult with the excess pounds than anyone who has never had this problem can imagine.

Running Break!
Enjoying the gorgeous day and peacefulness of the park.

It has been so much harder with the weight back on, but I have been making better food choices and find I am actually wanting to do so, and have been only craving pretty much good foods. I've been having fun creating light and refreshing vegan recipes and even more fun being able to pack them up for work lunches and have delicious homemade meals at work!

Tofu 'eggless' salad, (I got ingredient ideas on line and then threw
together my choice of  ingredients and measurements to taste),
petite carrots, blueberries, almond milk (unsweetened original)
DELICIOUS!

Yes, it's true, I AM a tree hugger!

It has been two weeks since saying goodbye to my dear sweet Moe-Mie and I had sworn, no more dogs! I was going to take the time to heal and to spoil my Tabs rotten. However, life had other things in store for me.

Tabbi very dispondent

Tehn snuggling in close to comfort Tabbi

Tabbi got very sick the day we lost Moe, she moped around, pouted.  I took her out to the woods for a walk, but she just wasn't that into it, until we came upon children or other dogs. Then she would REALLY perk up!! I told her absolutely in no uncertain terms would I 'get' her a child, but I would consider getting her a dog

We went home and since I was going in to our local pound the following day to volunteer, I thought I'd just go ahead and search the adoptable dogs on line and see if they had any smaller dogs. Long story short, they did, and Tabbi got a little playmate. 

Tabbi and her new playmate, Vallie

Heading to the clinic across town to get our new pup's neutering done, I felt my anxiety growing and my chest tightening. We had to drive through downtown to get there and I am NOT an urban girl at all. I dropped him off and was told to come back and pick him up that evening around 5:30. Heading home and cutting through town I felt tense, anxious, tight chested and as I got closer to home it would all ease up. The same thing happened again when I went to pick him up and on the drive home.

My little 'conehead'

During Moe's declining health this past year, I chose to put a lot of things on hold as his illness progressed. I haven't been getting out to the woods for my trail runs regularly and I always seemed more tense. I decided that today was going to be the day I started back with my regular trips to the woods at least three times a week.

I had been eating well the last couple of days as well and to make up for that last night I had more than a small amount of my favorite Friday night combo, Pizza and Beer! Needless to say, after having indulged myself last night, I felt a little less than 100 per cent when I woke up, but after eating a nice big bowl of oats, bananas, and blueberries and drinking plenty of fluids, I was ready to go. All laced up and donning one of my comfortable running skirts, I headed out. It was the most perfect day!

Today's goal, six miles for my half marathon training. I'm not sure which week we are on, but I know the distance. I planned a day of walking, with intermittent bursts of speed. Once I started and gauged how I felt, I decided it would be one mile walks with quarter mile running sprints. I was very pleased with my speed on the sprints and felt pretty strong through the full six miles.

I had been on the roads for many of the miles, so heading into my last sprint, I decided I would start working back toward the trails...not quite in time though. Have you ever been on the back of a motorcycle when the driver is NOT wearing a helmet or any type of eye covering? If not, let me tell you, you get blasted repeatedly in the face by their tears from their watering eyes. Well, here I was heading up a hill on the side of the road when a cyclist goes flying past me at speeds of twenty to thirty miles per hour...*SPLAT*! Yep, he got me. Thank you for being so kind as to share your sweat with me, but I am able to produce buckets of the much needed coolant perfectly fine by myself. Thank you very much!

Laughing to myself, I headed off into the woods after the last sprint and started really feeling myself calm and unwind. I went into a total Zen mode and was loving every minute of it. The trees and cool trails were having an amazing calming effect on me. The knot in my stomach which seemed to always be there lately was dissipating, my head felt clear, I had a wonderful sense of accomplishment and my body felt strong. Oh YEAH!! I remember this!! Why had I forgotten how therapeutic this was for me? Not exactly forgotten, but pushed aside briefly.

I decided to take the cell out and get some photos on the last mile back and was amazed at the sense of well being I was having. I wanted to be able to capture this whole day to share with everyone, the breeze, the clear sky, the spots off to the east with puffy white clouds, the perfect temperature, the clear water, shining sun, birds singing, cicadas chirping, the green green trees, the wonderful calm....all this and so much more. How could I share it with everyone?

Heading home I stopped off at one of my favorite places to watch the sunset and sat down on the bank of the small pond and watched the boats and water and tree line on the big lake. It was so restful.

One of the little ducks had snagged himself a treasure! A great big old crawdad! He was swimming around trying to keep it away from the other ducks but not looking quite sure what he was supposed to do with it now! Hah!

After capturing some more 'zen' moments, I got in the car to head home and was forced to pull over on the side of the road to get more photos.

I am planning to move into a house about this time next year and have decided I have to be closer to the woods. I have chosen my favorite neighborhood that is within walking distance to the park. That's right, I can roll out of bed and run into my back yard and hug my very own tree, enjoy my bliss, suck up some 'zen' and feel my blood pressure go down all at the same time!

Have YOU hugged a tree lately? ;)

Saying Goodbye To My Best Friend

I've just come from letting my best pal go. My Moe-Moe and I have been together for thirteen and a half years now and I still cannot believe it has been that long. In my eyes and heart he has and will always be my little butterball puppy that I rescued from the Humane Society so many years ago.

To be loved so unconditionally is a blessing each of us should be so lucky as to have in our lives. So many times when things were hard and I just didn't even feel like getting out of bed, I would, because I had my best pal counting on me. I might not always have taken care of myself, but I would always make sure he was taken care of. He was always there for me, leaning in and nuzzling close letting me know he was there when he sensed I was sad.

I remember I picked him up after having him neutered, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't come to me, he walked up to everyone in the waiting room lobby, but refused to even acknowledge me. I believe I was being 'punished' for leaving him there. He didn't even want to get in the car with me, boy was he mad! Shortly after, while heading home, I felt something ever so soft and gentle nuzzling at the side of my face from the back seat. He was leaning his head up through the seats and brushing his nose against my cheek. I had been forgiven!

Then there was the time I came home and my entire living room floor was covered with some kind of teal colored 'fluff'. It took me a moment to realize that my little puppy had 'gutted' my sofa and what was left of it was strewn all about! It was all I could do not to let him see me laugh! I got the video camera out and asked him 'Moe-Moe...did you do that?', 'Did you do that?' He would hang his little face, turning it and looking side to side, barely able to meet my gaze. Turning and covering my mouth so as not to let him see me giggling, 'Shall I take that to be a confession?' (I did get the whole thing on video and when I'm able to convert to digital, I will add it to this at a later time.)

I made a 'kitty door' on my small bedroom door upstairs and thought it would serve as a getaway for the cats. I got home from work one evening and a fat miserable looking little puppy greeted me when I came in. He was so ill and his stomach so huge, it practically drug the ground. What on earth had happened to him?! I watched him closely and he seemed okay just fat and uncomfortable. Later that evening I noticed the cats' continuous feeder which could hold a whole bag of dry food was empty. Not just low, but completely EMPTY! I guess my usually chubby little puppy had squeezed his chubby little self through the cat door, but what I still can't figure out is how he got out!!

He's been with me through good times and bad times, we've had so much fun together, hiking, running, camping, swimming. But, this past week, he showed me that it was time for him to go. This has to have been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life and I prayed for the strength to get through it. I knew I had enough love. My fear was making the choice too soon or too late and I had asked him to let me know when it was time and prayed to know when it was time. I received very clear messages this week. While it was heartbreaking and difficult, my strong love for him gave me the strength I needed to say goodbye. My amazing vet and her staff were so kind and sensitive. The room had lit candles, and a big soft pallet for him to lie on. I requested sedation for him first and stayed curled up on the pallet next to him holding in my arms. After it was time to say goodbye, the vet hugged me through her own tears and gave me some time alone with him to say my goodbyes.

My heart aches so desperately at the deep loss I am feeling and for any pain he may have endured. But I feel liberated for him knowing his young strong spirit is no longer in pain, nor trapped in his old tired body. I like to think of him running, swimming, and playing with his Grandpop and all the other kitties and pups and I told him to save a good spot for me when it was time for me to join him. So I won't be saying goodbye to my dear friend, I will be saying 'So long for now, I'll see you later'.

I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together

Set a challenge, dig deep, make it personal, hit a goal...FIND YOUR GREATNESS!

"GREATNESS IS
WHEREVER SOMEBODY
IS TRYING TO FIND IT" Nike

and does NOT have to be physical

Deer Poo IS Awesome!

Here are some of Tabbi's adventures compiled into a fun little video:
ENJOY!

Something In The Air...

This morning I tipped the scale at a whopping 217.5 pounds, higher than I’ve been in well over a year.  This time last year I was around 185 pounds.  But, the amazing thing was, I just didn’t care.  I felt great today!  And it must have been something in the air, something light, something joyful, something happy, something unseen, yet something strong because when I got downstairs to take Moe-Moe out for a walk, he was in rare form and pulled me out of the house showing me he wanted to go for a ‘real’ walk, not just up and down his sidewalk!

Off we went into the neighborhood, Moe’s leg rigged in a handy sling I fashion out of his leash and me alongside holding his right rear weight up and getting a great upper body workout as a bonus.  I let him choose where we went and how long we were out there.  He went down and back, then continued on past home and went on the other direction for a bit before turning around.  As we were heading back, I noticed he was showing every indication of wanting to go down to the back of the neighborhood again, so this time I did cut it a little short to get him home to eat his breakfast and have his meds.  We had taken off before he had even done either.  He wasn’t too disturbed by this and we got him settled in while Tabs went out for a bit.  I got ready and packed her in the car and headed toward the park for some good times in the trails, in the shade and out of the direct sun. 

It was hot, but there was something different, about everything.  I felt light, happy.  Tabbi wasn’t pulling on her leash, I had pulled out some very light weight running shoes and decided to wear them, the air was hot, but there seemed to be a nice breeze and the shade felt amazing.

We had gone about a mile when I started hearing thunder claps, while all around us I saw blue skies and sunshine and it was HOT!  When I came to a place where I could view the skyline, it appeared to be storming, coming directly from the west and passing on to the north, passing over us again.  We continued on for a while then took a nice little water break at a picnic table.  A group of children came from off in one of the shelter areas and was headed our way to play on the playground equipment.  I love the sound of giggling kids, playing on the swings and inventing new games, challenging each other.  The children were having a great time on this beautiful sunny day in their very own specially carved out chunk of paradise.

Tabbi and I headed off for a little bit more time out in the woods.  The more we walked, the better I felt, stronger.  I was really enjoying this walk more than I had in ages.  I didn’t feel like I was carrying around concrete boulders on my feet, I felt light and springy, it didn’t feel like the air itself was pressing in on my chest squeezing and sucking all the wind out of me.  I just kept reveling in the awesomeness of the moment and how perfect it all was.  I felt so great that as we were almost back, I took a nice little run with my Tabs and she did very well, and so did I!

When we got back to the car and started to head home, we went through the park and out the long way.  There were deer, lots of squirrels, dozens of robins, and we even saw a great big fat groundhog!   This boy was huge!   We got out to the open road and could see above there were still bright puffy white clouds over us, but the storm having moved around us north and east, had apparently decided to head south as well!  I could see dark storm clouds and hear the thunder off to the south of us, and finally when the road opened out to see the southern sky well, there it was, lightening and dark streams of rain just pouring down directly to the south of us!

We got home and took a little break, and it must truly have been something in the air.  Just look at these two!  Tabbi wanted to snuggle close to Moe, and while it made him uncomfortable, he actually tolerated it for her today.

We’ve just come back inside from a potty break for the pups, the air is less humid, a breeze is blowing, and we do have some clouds.  But, it looks as if this one small area has been passed over once again for rain.  Even still, today I feel I enjoyed just a little piece of paradise.  Something in the air, indeed.

'What A Wonderful World'

This is some of my photography set to music, a song I absolutely love.  My first attempt. I hope you enjoy.

running downhill ROCKS!

This is Moe-Mie's second time out on his new Walkin' Wheels and he has quickly discovered that running downhill is the absolute BEST!  I'm so thrilled we have options for senior pets these days.  People continue to be athletes without the use of their legs and now companion pets can as well!

The goal is to get him strong enough to get about a mile or so run in at a time, if not, we will do what he is able to do, but regardless, I enjoy the quality time we're able to spend together now and I am really looking forward to spending some time running together in the near future whatever the distance!

apparently i am NOT a 'sissie'!

Grab a beer and prop up your feet, it's a long one! THE MINI MARATHON

Yesterday was our highly anticipated annual Indianapolis Mini Marathon!  This is a 13.1 mile race that brings the participants in to, and for a full run around, the actual race track of the Indianapolis 500.  This was the race I signed up and paid for months in advance after my first half marathon.  I knew I needed something to work toward to keep me going through the cold winter months.

I also signed up for our running group’s Tuesday night training program.  I never made it to a single evening run.  There were many excuses, it was dark, it was cold, it was late, I am a morning runner….etc. But the truth of the matter was I just couldn’t get there on time after work.  There just was not enough time for me to get the things done that had to be done before my drive there, and it was not a short drive.  So, I decided to train along with the program, but on my own days.

Training began, and I sort of did, sort of did not.  It was cold and I was having such a difficult time dealing with it this year, (and it truly was a mild winter for us this year!), I wouldn’t always get out for my long runs.  I did some shorter runs on the treadmill, but as the training distances grew, my runs became fewer.  I packed on a little over 20 pounds from my maintenance weight since the last half marathon, I wasn’t getting out as much, the days were short and I had no inclination to go out in the dark for my workouts, so…as the days passed, I was losing quite a bit of what I had worked so hard for the previous year.

Fast forward to March when the weather began changing for the better , the daylight hours were lasting longer, and I felt more like myself again.  The miles increased as the urge to get out and enjoy the fresh air and the woods increased!  I missed some of the long training distances, I had gotten a six and seven miler in, but not my eight, so when it was time for my nine mile run, I didn’t want to only do seven.  I was able to do my nine mile run and when it was time for my ten mile run, I was feeling pretty strong!  I was feeling very well that day, strong legs, strong lungs, strong frame of mind, a very healthy attitude and I was ready to go!  It had been raining a little, but nothing I couldn’t handle, in fact I enjoy running in a nice light rain.  But, then it started getting dark, and the rain began to come down harder.  I was about half way done when I thought I caught a flash out of the corner of my eye.  Yes I do enjoy a good rain run, but NOT a lighting run!  I took one of my ear buds out and gave a listen.  Sure enough, claps of thunder and lightning were moving in from the west.  But, I knew I still had time for just a little more, there was NO way I was stopping now!  With every lap, the thunder and lightning grew closer and closer.  I felt too good to stop, maybe just one more lap.  If by the time I get to the end of this lap, it hasn’t gotten better I’ll head back to the car and finish up right in that general area.  It didn’t get better and I don’t like to run in this type of storm, but I had to get back to the car anyway, so it was either walk or run.  Well that was an easy choice….wasn’t I already running?  I headed back and had about a mile left when I got to the car  The storm seemed to be passing off to the east, so I was able to get the rest of my run done for the day.

Ten miles, that was my longest training run I was able to get in before my taper and then the race.  I truly have never had a desire to do this Mini Marathon with 35,000+ runners, but I had paid, and after the week I had had, it was personal now!  It was almost as if I was being taunted, dared, pushed NOT to do the race!  The more that kept pushing me not to do it, the more I pushed back!

I had just picked up two additional days a week for work and this was the first full week since my new hours.  My body, in the interest of efficiency and saving time apparently, decided, ‘Hey, why pick one when you can combine both PMS and Menopause?’ So, I was the lucky recipient of not only cramps and weepiness, but hot flashes as well all week long!  When I came home Thursday evening, I was verbally assaulted by one of my neighbors.  My sweet Moe-Mie has been having physical problems and when I got home Friday night I couldn’t get in the front door.  He had fallen and couldn’t get up and had stressed himself out so much and had probably had his weight on that leg for the endurance (I have no idea how long he had been like that), that he was not able to stand at all.  I had to push the door open enough to reach my arm around and slip my hand under him to scoot him across the floor.  He had poo’d and was peeing everywhere he was so stressed out.  It just broke my heart.  I fashioned a sling and was able to get him in and out and to help him go potty.  I worked with his legs and massaged and calmed him, but it was a rough night for him and he cried a lot.  I was up and down all night and got at the most, two and a half hours of sleep before the race.  After having gotten in the house Friday evening, I noticed a sickly smell and found out my neighbor had been pouring acid down his drains and the fumes had filled my entire downstairs, my poor animals had been inhaling that all day as well!  We had to open the garage doors to air it all out.  I had plans to meet the gals downtown for packet pick-up that night as well and go out to eat.  I knew traffic would be bad (and it was! About 40 minutes just to park!), but I was so looking forward to going out and relaxing with them and just having a good time ‘carb loading’.  But, for some reason, my time sheet for work didn’t get to them in time and I only received half of a paycheck this pay period, so I had to do some rearranging and was still able to go after all.  Once we all got parked and met, we had a lot of fun at the expo and then 

on to Noodles & Company for our pasta.

Marti, Me, Elaine

It is now Saturday morning and I’m fresh out of the shower and ready to go!

Maybe I’ll just sleep run the first half of the race.  I knew I could run ten miles, so maybe I could just do some run/walking this race and just enjoy myself.  Take pictures, dance, sing, just have some fun.  Then run as I felt strong, walk when I needed to recover.  I am looking forward to this now.  I’m going to burn off a lot of steam and leave last week in the dust!

I met one of my friends there and we headed over to the corrals to get settled in.  I was in a different corral much further back.  While I was waiting I heard someone calling my name and it was a couple of other gals from my running club.  One was still recovering from an injury and the other said she had gained about twenty pounds too, so they would be doing walk/running at about a thirteen minute pace or so.  I thought I could handle that, so was looking forward to having some friends to run with as well.  This day is really shaping up!

Melissa and Lori
(Lori saw this picture later and was convinced she was crossing her fingers and praying!)

We started in corral 'V', the race has started and we
are still making our way to the start

I still have knots in my belly even though there’s no pressure and I’m just there to have fun.  The countdown begins…..four, three, two….ONE!  And everyone is off!  Well….sort of…..about a half hour later we got to the starting line and off we went.  I knew I needed to make sure to slow myself down at the beginning so I didn’t exhaust myself before the end, but I thought I’ll just hang with the gals for now.  We were doing well and I was feeling pretty good, but thought maybe I was going a bit too fast.  I glanced down at my Garmin and saw an 11:30 pace which is faster than I can maintain right now for a three mile run.  I knew I had better pull back and slow down, even though I wanted to stay with them.  I ran for the first two miles, but the lack of sleep was really taking its toll on me and I decided to back down to a walk.  I began formulating my strategy so I would end up with a run at the finish line.  As I walked I knew I would get stronger and just be dying to run, that’s how I always was.  But not this time, I mean I did have a strong desire to run, but the strength just wasn’t there.  And it wasn’t coming back either.  I became weaker and more tired as the race went on.  I hoped at least by the time I got to the race track I’d be able to run around it.  We would be at the six mile mark when we got to the track and it is a two and a half mile run. 

Here we are!  But I just couldn’t do what I’d hoped.  However, when I got to the backside of the track, Brightroom Photography was there and I thought I’d better muster up enough strength to at least get one good picture!  At this point, I didn’t know if I’d be able to when I crossed the finish line.  So, I started running and waving and smiling.  It felt good to be running again, but I wasn’t able to maintain it for long.  I knew it would be a walk to the finish and was very disappointed. 

As the miles ticked off, I was wondering if I was going to be able to physically make it until the end.  But, I had come too far and had such a stressful week, I deserved to do this for ME!  I plodded on, getting slower and slower, weaker and hotter, the blisters on my feet were screaming at me, my toes were numb, my shoulders ached, my back hurt, it was so hot and there was no shade to be had anywhere in sight.  I started grabbing two and three cups of water, one to drink, the other two to pour over my head and the back of my neck. I had my energy power bar gu and drank some water to wash it down.  I started going through every water sprayer I could see, grabbed free food samples from the side of the road, anything and everything I knew to do just to sustain myself long enough to get to that finish line.  I felt like I was just going through the motions in a very painful dream state now.  Instead of feeling closer with every mile, it felt more like….What?! There are still that many more miles to go?!  I was beginning to be very grateful for the presence of the other 35,000+ runners and walkers!

I finally felt some relief, and like I might actually make it when I got to the thirteen mile marker.  It seriously took me until the thirteenth mile mark to feel like I was going to make it.  I just wanted to get in my car and crank up the air conditioning.  What really stunk is that after getting to mile thirteen, I had to walk right past my car to get to the finish line!  It was soooo tempting to just turn off and leave, but there was NO WAY!  Not after all this, not when I was this close!

OMG! There it is! That’s the finish line!  Is that the finish line?!  IT IS IT IS! It is the finish line!  This is me crossing the finish line! I DID IT! WHOO-HOO!!  And….stop!  And….NOW I felt it!  All light headed, things going sparkly and black.  I sat down and tried to lose the nausea and lightheadedness.  I drank some water and talked with a girl beside me who told me there were cookies just a bit down from us.  I waited a bit and then made an attempt to stand and go get some cookies.  But I didn’t get too far before needing to sit again.  The girl I was talking to previously passed by and noticed I hadn’t gotten too far and offered to go get a couple cookies for me.  Then she offered to get help.  Some nice men came and took me to the cooling tent where I was able to get my wits about me enough to walk to my car and head home.

Me, wearing my medal and on my back in the recovery tent!  I did it.....

I missed the festivities but all I wanted to do was just be home.  Home never felt so good!  I got in the house, took care of a few things that had to be done and then hit the pillows for a nice, cool nap.  Ahhh. 

After getting up and having some food, I had a good time with a friend and her granddaughter and took some really cute photos of them.

Melissa and Allie Lynn

A great day, a great evening, and the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years!!

Yep! That's right! That's MY bling!

my 'other' passion...photography!

this is some of my favorite recent work.  my 'glow' series.

http://500px.com/LoriLPoole/stories/34914/glow

In Preparation For My Next Half Marathon

I will be running my second half marathon on Saturday, May 5, 2012.  It is the Indianapolis Mini and it is an extremely huge event!  I haven't done all of my training for it this time, but will try to walk/run the full distance.  My next real half marathon I am truly excited about training for and really pushing myself is the Indianapolis Monumental. This was my first half marathon in November 2011. I had hoped to run it the full distance.  I HAD done all of my training and was ready, but just about a week or two before the race I pulled my achilles tendon and ended up walking/running the distance, so I am really anxious to redeem myself this November!

In celebration and preparation of my race May 5th, I thought I would share my 'note' from after my first race.  It is pretty long, but I enjoyed reading and reliving it again, I was deeply touched by the little man and the gloves and I still feel an ache in the pit of my gut when I think about him.

I hope you will enjoy the read.  It reminds me, yes I was nervous, there were times when I was just sure it would never end, but I not only survived, I thrived on this experience.

My first half marathon – Indianapolis Monumental November 5, 2011

by Lori Poole on Saturday, November 5, 2011 at 5:44pm ·

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I was all nerves and excitement Friday night and found myself waking up and staying up throughout the night for a grand total of about 3 hours of sleep! OUCH! But, I knew it was going to be cool in the morning and we were going to have a beautiful sunny day for our run and thought I’d be fine once I started running.  Had some issues with the Achilles and ankle on my right leg so had only run 1 mile the previous Monday and then nothing since then. I was hoping it would be okay by race day.

Met with some friends before the run and collected a lot of warming hugs!!

It was a very cold start, but Indianapolis has the nicest people and so while standing and waiting to start the run, I met a lot of really fun and nice runners and before we knew it we were off and running! WOO-HOO! And jumping…over lots and lots of discarded clothing, this went on for the entire route. These people weren’t first timers and a lot of them specifically bought clothes they knew they wouldn’t mind tossing out.  At 1 point around my 2nd mile, I saw a little elderly man rather stooped and struggling out to the street to bend over and pick up a pair of little gloves.  Wow! The emotions that all hit when I saw this little homeless man, I thought and heard myself saying ‘aaaww’ and then a big smile, my heart both hurt and felt warm inside. Such a treasure for this little man, I remember thinking all the way around the route how I hoped all these clothes found their way into someone’s hands that needed them equally as bad and that they didn’t just get thrown out. (It reminded me of that first Warrior Dash with hundreds and hundreds of discarded running shoes, piles of them everywhere, and they were donated, I loved it!) And then again later on the back stretch of the route in the park across from the library they were having this big giveaway for the homeless and needy as well. I think this must have been what Rose was talking about donating soap and shampoo, etc. to.  Very cool!

I was cold, but once I started running, I felt just perfect.  Tired, yes and a little concerned about the leg, but thought at the first few miles I felt really good and I had a good pace, I could do this!  I had trained, I was ready, don’t look ahead, just concentrate on making these steps good steps.  My awesome buddy Beth Lindsay lives downtown and was going to be watching for me around mile 4, so I looked for her and didn’t find her and figured the route just didn’t go the right way, but about mile 4-1/2 I see a couple people looking at me and one of them comes running up alongside me. It took me a minute to realize it was MY BETH!!  Giant hugs and giggles!! And YAY! Here’s my girl, uber cycler, anti-runner, and she is running along with me!  I couldn’t believe it! This really made my day because I know she does not love running, nor even entertain the idea of doing so, what a great time!  A big shout out and thank you for the support! It means so much more than I think people can even imagine!

After she cut away, I started really feeling the leg twinges starting to kick in, temp was good, I was waking up, maybe if I took it slow I could pull this thing off. I knew I hadn’t had enough calories and my stomach was starting to throw it’s 2 cents in as well, so I knew I would need to be eating and drinking before long.  I wanted to try to run at least to the 6.55 mark, halfway there, then everything else would be gravy.  If I wanted to walk then, that would be okay.  I ran until mile 7 and began walking at that point, something I hadn’t wanted to do at all for my 1st half, but something I knew I was going to have to do today. After trying to get some liquids in me, I knew there was no way I could hold anything solid of any type down and thought I was going to be sick a few times. I decided at this point I would try to alternate walking and running on the remaining miles, walk the even numbers and run the odd numbers bringing it home at a run for the ‘point one’.  Walked mile 8, started running mile 9, and knew that was it for me for a little while.  I walked and walked and really got to take a look around and see how amazing this whole thing was.  A beautiful day, a gorgeous route, downtown Indianapolis is really looking good! There were water, food, Gatorade stations every mile or so and tons and tons of amazing and diverse entertainment! I wanted to take pictures of everything and go dance with the dancers and all the fun stuff, but my fingers were numb and I couldn’t get all the pics I wanted, so I just decided to enjoy myself.  There were a few times during the walk that got so cold and I just wanted it to be done, but all and all it was great! Heading in to the ‘point one’, I was feeling good and more like myself and knew I had enough strength to bring it home at a run, so I did! And carted my 13.1 magnet with me! :D

I had hoped to do my very first half at 2:45, but during my training realized I was losing speed to distance and decided a more realistic goal would be to try to come in just under 3 hours if I was able to run the full distance. When I registered for the race, I put my time entry in as somewhere around 3:10 or so.  When I was done my Garmin time read a total of just over 3:22, which I will gladly take!! I completed my 13.1 and even walking around 6 of my miles, I wasn’t terribly far off my entry time!

I would highly recommend this route for any of you first timers out there!  This was put together so professionally and very enjoyable!  By the way, this race is a Boston qualifier as well!! (not sure about the 13.1, but definitely the 26.2)