Saying Goodbye To My Best Friend

I've just come from letting my best pal go. My Moe-Moe and I have been together for thirteen and a half years now and I still cannot believe it has been that long. In my eyes and heart he has and will always be my little butterball puppy that I rescued from the Humane Society so many years ago.

To be loved so unconditionally is a blessing each of us should be so lucky as to have in our lives. So many times when things were hard and I just didn't even feel like getting out of bed, I would, because I had my best pal counting on me. I might not always have taken care of myself, but I would always make sure he was taken care of. He was always there for me, leaning in and nuzzling close letting me know he was there when he sensed I was sad.

I remember I picked him up after having him neutered, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't come to me, he walked up to everyone in the waiting room lobby, but refused to even acknowledge me. I believe I was being 'punished' for leaving him there. He didn't even want to get in the car with me, boy was he mad! Shortly after, while heading home, I felt something ever so soft and gentle nuzzling at the side of my face from the back seat. He was leaning his head up through the seats and brushing his nose against my cheek. I had been forgiven!

Then there was the time I came home and my entire living room floor was covered with some kind of teal colored 'fluff'. It took me a moment to realize that my little puppy had 'gutted' my sofa and what was left of it was strewn all about! It was all I could do not to let him see me laugh! I got the video camera out and asked him 'Moe-Moe...did you do that?', 'Did you do that?' He would hang his little face, turning it and looking side to side, barely able to meet my gaze. Turning and covering my mouth so as not to let him see me giggling, 'Shall I take that to be a confession?' (I did get the whole thing on video and when I'm able to convert to digital, I will add it to this at a later time.)

I made a 'kitty door' on my small bedroom door upstairs and thought it would serve as a getaway for the cats. I got home from work one evening and a fat miserable looking little puppy greeted me when I came in. He was so ill and his stomach so huge, it practically drug the ground. What on earth had happened to him?! I watched him closely and he seemed okay just fat and uncomfortable. Later that evening I noticed the cats' continuous feeder which could hold a whole bag of dry food was empty. Not just low, but completely EMPTY! I guess my usually chubby little puppy had squeezed his chubby little self through the cat door, but what I still can't figure out is how he got out!!

He's been with me through good times and bad times, we've had so much fun together, hiking, running, camping, swimming. But, this past week, he showed me that it was time for him to go. This has to have been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life and I prayed for the strength to get through it. I knew I had enough love. My fear was making the choice too soon or too late and I had asked him to let me know when it was time and prayed to know when it was time. I received very clear messages this week. While it was heartbreaking and difficult, my strong love for him gave me the strength I needed to say goodbye. My amazing vet and her staff were so kind and sensitive. The room had lit candles, and a big soft pallet for him to lie on. I requested sedation for him first and stayed curled up on the pallet next to him holding in my arms. After it was time to say goodbye, the vet hugged me through her own tears and gave me some time alone with him to say my goodbyes.

My heart aches so desperately at the deep loss I am feeling and for any pain he may have endured. But I feel liberated for him knowing his young strong spirit is no longer in pain, nor trapped in his old tired body. I like to think of him running, swimming, and playing with his Grandpop and all the other kitties and pups and I told him to save a good spot for me when it was time for me to join him. So I won't be saying goodbye to my dear friend, I will be saying 'So long for now, I'll see you later'.

I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together

Set a challenge, dig deep, make it personal, hit a goal...FIND YOUR GREATNESS!

"GREATNESS IS
WHEREVER SOMEBODY
IS TRYING TO FIND IT" Nike

and does NOT have to be physical

Deer Poo IS Awesome!

Here are some of Tabbi's adventures compiled into a fun little video:
ENJOY!

Something In The Air...

This morning I tipped the scale at a whopping 217.5 pounds, higher than I’ve been in well over a year.  This time last year I was around 185 pounds.  But, the amazing thing was, I just didn’t care.  I felt great today!  And it must have been something in the air, something light, something joyful, something happy, something unseen, yet something strong because when I got downstairs to take Moe-Moe out for a walk, he was in rare form and pulled me out of the house showing me he wanted to go for a ‘real’ walk, not just up and down his sidewalk!

Off we went into the neighborhood, Moe’s leg rigged in a handy sling I fashion out of his leash and me alongside holding his right rear weight up and getting a great upper body workout as a bonus.  I let him choose where we went and how long we were out there.  He went down and back, then continued on past home and went on the other direction for a bit before turning around.  As we were heading back, I noticed he was showing every indication of wanting to go down to the back of the neighborhood again, so this time I did cut it a little short to get him home to eat his breakfast and have his meds.  We had taken off before he had even done either.  He wasn’t too disturbed by this and we got him settled in while Tabs went out for a bit.  I got ready and packed her in the car and headed toward the park for some good times in the trails, in the shade and out of the direct sun. 

It was hot, but there was something different, about everything.  I felt light, happy.  Tabbi wasn’t pulling on her leash, I had pulled out some very light weight running shoes and decided to wear them, the air was hot, but there seemed to be a nice breeze and the shade felt amazing.

We had gone about a mile when I started hearing thunder claps, while all around us I saw blue skies and sunshine and it was HOT!  When I came to a place where I could view the skyline, it appeared to be storming, coming directly from the west and passing on to the north, passing over us again.  We continued on for a while then took a nice little water break at a picnic table.  A group of children came from off in one of the shelter areas and was headed our way to play on the playground equipment.  I love the sound of giggling kids, playing on the swings and inventing new games, challenging each other.  The children were having a great time on this beautiful sunny day in their very own specially carved out chunk of paradise.

Tabbi and I headed off for a little bit more time out in the woods.  The more we walked, the better I felt, stronger.  I was really enjoying this walk more than I had in ages.  I didn’t feel like I was carrying around concrete boulders on my feet, I felt light and springy, it didn’t feel like the air itself was pressing in on my chest squeezing and sucking all the wind out of me.  I just kept reveling in the awesomeness of the moment and how perfect it all was.  I felt so great that as we were almost back, I took a nice little run with my Tabs and she did very well, and so did I!

When we got back to the car and started to head home, we went through the park and out the long way.  There were deer, lots of squirrels, dozens of robins, and we even saw a great big fat groundhog!   This boy was huge!   We got out to the open road and could see above there were still bright puffy white clouds over us, but the storm having moved around us north and east, had apparently decided to head south as well!  I could see dark storm clouds and hear the thunder off to the south of us, and finally when the road opened out to see the southern sky well, there it was, lightening and dark streams of rain just pouring down directly to the south of us!

We got home and took a little break, and it must truly have been something in the air.  Just look at these two!  Tabbi wanted to snuggle close to Moe, and while it made him uncomfortable, he actually tolerated it for her today.

We’ve just come back inside from a potty break for the pups, the air is less humid, a breeze is blowing, and we do have some clouds.  But, it looks as if this one small area has been passed over once again for rain.  Even still, today I feel I enjoyed just a little piece of paradise.  Something in the air, indeed.

'What A Wonderful World'

This is some of my photography set to music, a song I absolutely love.  My first attempt. I hope you enjoy.