I love you man!

You know what feels good?

Here's the deal.  Tomorrow is an awesome seven mile race put on by my running group.  Registration is free with the suggested donation of one can of food for our local food bank.  A pretty amazing deal!  We get to have fun AND help others.  Of course we can donate as much as we like, and since we're there, why not give a little more?   

The projected high temperature for tomorrow so far is 25 degrees, and there is already snow on the ground with more on the way.  I am currently working my way back into my endurance groove and have been doing intervals, running and walking mixes with a timed plan.  Our last group training run was three miles.  That was tough for me trying to keep both my walking and running paces where I wanted them to be.  But I felt so wonderful when I was done!! I did it!  I met my goal!  I went out after work!  I ran at night!  I ran in the COLD!!  Here is what makes all of the previous such a big deal to me, I am a steadfast morning runner, who much prefers the lovely temperatures of a balmy Spring day and find running in the cold terribly painful, both mentally, as well as physically, I also enjoy being able to see where I'm going.  But, by pushing through some of my own personal challenges, it felt even better when I actually completed it!

Tomorrow's run is much longer than that for which I am actually physically prepared.  If I dress for the weather and shoot for a walk pace of 15-20 minute miles, I could be out there up to two and a half hours!  That is a loooooong time in this weather, and pushing for the distance as well.

Right now, if you're like me, you would probably be hearing all kinds of little excuses trying to push their way out to the front of your thoughts.  "It is going to be soooo cold", "This is going to be so hard", "This will take soooo long", "I'm already tired", "I need to clean house"... Seriously, I hate to clean house and I will even hear myself thinking how much there is to do, like I would even actually DO it!  HAH!

But, you know what feels good?  

Photo taken by Janelle Speir Preiner
GO GIRL TRIATHLON

Don't be afraid of a little hard work...

Time to lace up and head out the door!  Bundle up, layer up, lace up and GO!  It is those times when we feel least like getting up off our butts that we need most to make ourselves do it, do something, anything, just get up off of that damn couch and get moving!  It feels so good once you do, and once you start moving you keep moving.  It is called momentum.  A wonderful physiological thing happens when you get up off the couch, you stay up off the couch!

We all want to feel good, it doesn't need to be about how you look.  We are bombarded with television, billboards, internet, movies, society....EVERYONE and EVERYTHING telling us that until we are ultra skinny or too thin, that we might as well not even consider getting out there.  Why bother? There will always be someone prettier, skinnier, stronger, healthier.  Yep that's right and so what?  There WILL always be someone prettier, skinnier, stronger, healthier, but there will also always be someone that is not as far as you are right now, someone heavier, weaker, sadder, lonelier, more afraid.  Just think how you could inspire them.

Let's not worry about trying to fit into someone else's mold for ourselves and our lives.  Let's get up and get moving, let's feel good, feel good about ourselves, help someone else get moving, help someone else feel good about themselves, be strong, get stronger, take a first step, then a second, keep moving.  And one day, sooner than you think you will wonder why you waited so long!

peace

Change can be good!!

Keep ourselves guessing

Tomorrow I begin a new and exciting adventure.  Well, I'm not sure how adventurous you would consider it, or even exciting, new is subjective as well.  But, for me, it is a change and will require a different set of disciplines, a new routine, and restructuring of my schedule.

I am a fairly new nurse, graduated with my BSN in December 2009.  A mature student when I began my endeavor, I had a very specific goal in mind.  I wanted to be a long term home care private nurse for hospice patients.

I had worked for years in customer service, administrative, and sales and was very used to and comfortable with an office environment.  It was safe, it was fairly predictable, it was boring!  I was coasting.  I usually liked to move around fairly frequently, every few years or so.  It held extreme boredom at bay temporarily, kept my income on an upward path, and I gained new experiences to add to the resume with each move I made.

After I lost my granddad in 2003, I felt like I was walking around in a daze for a while, I was mad at everyone.  My outward anger was simply misdirected at others when, in fact, I was very unhappy with my current state and felt as if it were really time for a big change.  It gave me a jolt that I needed to look deeply inside and ask myself what I was doing, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go.

I gave my notice and went back to school part time.  When I ran out of money I took a part time job with the understanding that I would be able to go to school as well and they would work with me.  This did not pan out so well however, and I just left.  I had had enough.

I had no savings, I had no checking, no retirement, no readily available cash, and no job.  But I was driven, I knew it was time for a big change.  I would spend hours in the woods walking with my dog, searching myself, trying to zero in on what it was I needed to be doing.  I had changed my major several times over the years and felt as if everything in my life to this point had brought me to where I was right now, where I needed to be.

Before I even knew there was such a thing, I had been drawn to people nearing the end of their lives, and to those who were losing their loved ones.  I felt a need to help them make sense of it, help them through the transition, help loved ones make peace etc.  It was a comfortable role for me and I was good at it. Once I learned it was a real thing, a real career I could work toward, I was off and running.  I was going to go to nursing school!  I was going to be a hospice nurse!

People and events were periodically placed in my path that provided exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it.  I applied to nursing school and made up my mind this was it!  'What if you aren't accepted?', people would ask.  It wasn't even something I would consider, it wasn't part of my plan, it wasn't even an option.  'Don't you want to have a back-up plan?', Again, not even a consideration or something I worried about, this was going to happen, I knew it!

I was accepted! I still remember the day I received that acceptance packet in the mail!  Such an exciting moment!!  Accepted, attended, made friends, learned lots, graduated, passed my NCLEX, got my license, got a job.  That last sentence could fill a book or two, so was greatly condensed.

Me and the very proud Mom!

I began my career in a hospital because that's what you do.  After going to school and doing clinicals for so long, it becomes the ultimate goal, the security, benefits, comfort levels etc.  I did this for a few months and left for a career in home care nursing.  I loved it and it loved me!  This was why I had gone to school and where I should have been.  I was not working with hospice patients by label, but very ill people that were in great need of care and their families as well.


I've been doing this for over two years now and recently, have been approached by another company and offered a position in a non-clinical environment for a nine month period and can return to where I am now if I choose.  I have become comfortable where I am in life, gotten in to a routine, become lazy in certain areas, and not challenging myself in others.

And while, like most people, I drag my feet kicking and screaming through changes, I also become excited about it at some point and truly thrive on it.  I look forward to new disciplines, the unpredictabilitiy of it all, the excitement of a new day, not knowing where I will be this time next year.

WHOO-HOO!!

Just like it is with our pets, we require some routines for stability, but it is also important there is a good amount of unpredictability to give us something to look forward to each day.  Something to keep ourselves guessing!

No matter how many times...

I am quite a bit late posting about what was a very exciting day for me back in September. After having put my weight back on and cutting back on the running quite a bit as well, I began training again, baby steps. I had gotten myself back up to running two full miles in a row, slow, but steady, and very difficult for me.

Two of my amazing friends, Elaine and Marti, had contacted me about a race for which they had both registered. It was not too early, was only a few miles from my home, and was on a Saturday. They were running the 10k, but there was also a 5k. Well, I almost felt like this was just too good to pass up and registered for the 5k with the intent to walk ALL of it if I felt I needed to, I just wanted to take some action. Do something!

When I arrived, I didn't see either of the girls and the 10k had already started. I wandered around and picked up my packet, met people and talked, took photos, then eventually wandered over to the 5k starting area. This was a very new race, I believe maybe the 2nd annual one they had held. It wasn't large, but I like it that way. There would be some country roads and I loved that!

The little B & O Train

I felt a little anxious just because I always feel a little bit that way before a race, but I was calmed by reminding myself I could start out walking and didn't need to run at all.  If I felt good once I warmed up I could run, but it wasn't a requirement. I was here to enjoy myself.

There were quite a few mature women, not so many heavier gals though. Before we knew it, they had us all moving up and positioning ourselves for the start and in the blink of an eye we were off and running? Running?  Yes, looking around and down, I realized I had taken off running!  What was I doing?  And I was still doing it.  Hmm, I guess that's okay, I can stop and walk when I feel like it.

The pack began stretching itself out, the faster runners off in the distance ahead of me and the rest of the pack in the distance behind me.  It felt odd, like I was in my own little world and I was thoroughly enjoying myself and my music!  I was running comfortably at a steady pace I felt I could continue, so I did.

Getting to that second mile, I was warmed up from my first mile, so I decided to keep going.  There were a few people here and there that I would pass or that would pass me and I would pass again later.  I really liked the route and it was very well organized, so running alone for quite a bit of the time wasn't intimidating, they had my back.

By the time I got to the third mile, there was no way I was going to walk.  I had come this far and I knew I could bring it on home at a run as well.  Setting my mind toward my goal I was thrilled to see we would be running down a very nice hill! Yaaaay!!  Then we rounded a corner and it was one of those long gradual and at times not so gradual, continuous uphills climbs.  Now, WHO would put the hill at the END of the race?!  I'm about out of get up and go juice!!  I grabbed a cup as I passed the water station and dug in.  I AM going to do this!

Heading up the hill, I slowed my pace intentionally and had a few sips periodically and continued to climb.  The 10k people were coming into the same turn as well from another direction and I saw many fast and graceful runners going by me at this time, just taking the hill by storm.  I looked over and realized that one of the people passing by me right now was Marti, one of my girlfriends that had talked me in to doing this race. She was flying! She also gave me a big smile and a wave and I was encouraged to continue.

Marti post race

I knew once I got to the top of the hill it leveled out and would stay that way to the finish.  I've Got This!

And I did too!!  I came in and found Marti and waited by the finish to get Elaine's photo as she crossed.  I was absolutely thrilled to have run the complete distance.  Especially knowing I went in with the intent to walk, and also knowing I hadn't gone three complete miles in a row for quite some time.  The fact that I was able to do this even with all the extra weight was just icing!!

Elaine crossing the finish!

When we were all settled in, eating and drinking post race, they announced overall winners and age group winners.  This was a really cool race in that they didn't just award 1st place age groupers, they also awarded 2nd and 3rd place winners in age groupers!!  Maybe, just maybe I stood a chance??

Here we are:  Elaine with her 1st place age grouper metal, Marti with her 2nd place age grouper metal, and me with my first 3rd place age grouper metal!!

I have gained additional weight and lost it and regained it since this race, and I haven't been running for quite a bit, but I haven't given up.  I am registered for a quarter marathon in March and a half marathon in May, (which my cousin has grudgingly agreed to do with me!).  Since this photo was taken Marti and Elaine have completed their very first full marathon and kicked it's ass!  And me, well, no matter how many times it takes, I'm going to keep getting right back up on that proverbial horse and try again.  This morning I hopped on my treadmill and starting slow, began my journey back.

Make a commitment and take action!

“The truth of the matter is that there's nothing you can't accomplish if: (1) You clearly decide what it is that you're absolutely committed to achieving, (2) You're willing to take massive action, (3) You notice what's working or not, and (4) You continue to change your approach until you achieve what you want, using whatever life gives you along the way.” ~Anthony Robbins

John Denver's 'Calypso'

My first full week back!

It is my first full week of running since trying to get back out at least three days a week and it has been very successful!! I prefer heading out in the mornings, but I work on Mondays, so I packed up a change of clothes and headed straight over to the woods right after work.  If I go home first, I'll never get back out again, the dogs will be all stressed out from my coming and going, and I run the risk of sitting down!  Once I sit....good luck! HAH!

Monday evening I did intervals, alternating walking and running with quarter mile increment runs, Wednesday I tried bumping up the run distance to a half mile each time, and then today my goal was to try to complete at least one full mile running without stopping.

My shins were sore from walking so much and trying to go faster this week, and my hips were aching terribly from running with the added weight, so I pulled out the heavy artillery today, my Mizuno Wave Prophecies!  These are some strong supportive (and heavier) shoes with a very nice spring to them.

I was not only able to run a complete mile today, but after my walk interval, I felt like trying again, thinking I would go only a half mile this time, but instead going another full mile!!  I was extremely pleased and proud for pushing myself because it is so much more difficult with the excess pounds than anyone who has never had this problem can imagine.

Running Break!
Enjoying the gorgeous day and peacefulness of the park.

It has been so much harder with the weight back on, but I have been making better food choices and find I am actually wanting to do so, and have been only craving pretty much good foods. I've been having fun creating light and refreshing vegan recipes and even more fun being able to pack them up for work lunches and have delicious homemade meals at work!

Tofu 'eggless' salad, (I got ingredient ideas on line and then threw
together my choice of  ingredients and measurements to taste),
petite carrots, blueberries, almond milk (unsweetened original)
DELICIOUS!

Yes, it's true, I AM a tree hugger!

It has been two weeks since saying goodbye to my dear sweet Moe-Mie and I had sworn, no more dogs! I was going to take the time to heal and to spoil my Tabs rotten. However, life had other things in store for me.

Tabbi very dispondent

Tehn snuggling in close to comfort Tabbi

Tabbi got very sick the day we lost Moe, she moped around, pouted.  I took her out to the woods for a walk, but she just wasn't that into it, until we came upon children or other dogs. Then she would REALLY perk up!! I told her absolutely in no uncertain terms would I 'get' her a child, but I would consider getting her a dog

We went home and since I was going in to our local pound the following day to volunteer, I thought I'd just go ahead and search the adoptable dogs on line and see if they had any smaller dogs. Long story short, they did, and Tabbi got a little playmate. 

Tabbi and her new playmate, Vallie

Heading to the clinic across town to get our new pup's neutering done, I felt my anxiety growing and my chest tightening. We had to drive through downtown to get there and I am NOT an urban girl at all. I dropped him off and was told to come back and pick him up that evening around 5:30. Heading home and cutting through town I felt tense, anxious, tight chested and as I got closer to home it would all ease up. The same thing happened again when I went to pick him up and on the drive home.

My little 'conehead'

During Moe's declining health this past year, I chose to put a lot of things on hold as his illness progressed. I haven't been getting out to the woods for my trail runs regularly and I always seemed more tense. I decided that today was going to be the day I started back with my regular trips to the woods at least three times a week.

I had been eating well the last couple of days as well and to make up for that last night I had more than a small amount of my favorite Friday night combo, Pizza and Beer! Needless to say, after having indulged myself last night, I felt a little less than 100 per cent when I woke up, but after eating a nice big bowl of oats, bananas, and blueberries and drinking plenty of fluids, I was ready to go. All laced up and donning one of my comfortable running skirts, I headed out. It was the most perfect day!

Today's goal, six miles for my half marathon training. I'm not sure which week we are on, but I know the distance. I planned a day of walking, with intermittent bursts of speed. Once I started and gauged how I felt, I decided it would be one mile walks with quarter mile running sprints. I was very pleased with my speed on the sprints and felt pretty strong through the full six miles.

I had been on the roads for many of the miles, so heading into my last sprint, I decided I would start working back toward the trails...not quite in time though. Have you ever been on the back of a motorcycle when the driver is NOT wearing a helmet or any type of eye covering? If not, let me tell you, you get blasted repeatedly in the face by their tears from their watering eyes. Well, here I was heading up a hill on the side of the road when a cyclist goes flying past me at speeds of twenty to thirty miles per hour...*SPLAT*! Yep, he got me. Thank you for being so kind as to share your sweat with me, but I am able to produce buckets of the much needed coolant perfectly fine by myself. Thank you very much!

Laughing to myself, I headed off into the woods after the last sprint and started really feeling myself calm and unwind. I went into a total Zen mode and was loving every minute of it. The trees and cool trails were having an amazing calming effect on me. The knot in my stomach which seemed to always be there lately was dissipating, my head felt clear, I had a wonderful sense of accomplishment and my body felt strong. Oh YEAH!! I remember this!! Why had I forgotten how therapeutic this was for me? Not exactly forgotten, but pushed aside briefly.

I decided to take the cell out and get some photos on the last mile back and was amazed at the sense of well being I was having. I wanted to be able to capture this whole day to share with everyone, the breeze, the clear sky, the spots off to the east with puffy white clouds, the perfect temperature, the clear water, shining sun, birds singing, cicadas chirping, the green green trees, the wonderful calm....all this and so much more. How could I share it with everyone?

Heading home I stopped off at one of my favorite places to watch the sunset and sat down on the bank of the small pond and watched the boats and water and tree line on the big lake. It was so restful.

One of the little ducks had snagged himself a treasure! A great big old crawdad! He was swimming around trying to keep it away from the other ducks but not looking quite sure what he was supposed to do with it now! Hah!

After capturing some more 'zen' moments, I got in the car to head home and was forced to pull over on the side of the road to get more photos.

I am planning to move into a house about this time next year and have decided I have to be closer to the woods. I have chosen my favorite neighborhood that is within walking distance to the park. That's right, I can roll out of bed and run into my back yard and hug my very own tree, enjoy my bliss, suck up some 'zen' and feel my blood pressure go down all at the same time!

Have YOU hugged a tree lately? ;)

Saying Goodbye To My Best Friend

I've just come from letting my best pal go. My Moe-Moe and I have been together for thirteen and a half years now and I still cannot believe it has been that long. In my eyes and heart he has and will always be my little butterball puppy that I rescued from the Humane Society so many years ago.

To be loved so unconditionally is a blessing each of us should be so lucky as to have in our lives. So many times when things were hard and I just didn't even feel like getting out of bed, I would, because I had my best pal counting on me. I might not always have taken care of myself, but I would always make sure he was taken care of. He was always there for me, leaning in and nuzzling close letting me know he was there when he sensed I was sad.

I remember I picked him up after having him neutered, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't come to me, he walked up to everyone in the waiting room lobby, but refused to even acknowledge me. I believe I was being 'punished' for leaving him there. He didn't even want to get in the car with me, boy was he mad! Shortly after, while heading home, I felt something ever so soft and gentle nuzzling at the side of my face from the back seat. He was leaning his head up through the seats and brushing his nose against my cheek. I had been forgiven!

Then there was the time I came home and my entire living room floor was covered with some kind of teal colored 'fluff'. It took me a moment to realize that my little puppy had 'gutted' my sofa and what was left of it was strewn all about! It was all I could do not to let him see me laugh! I got the video camera out and asked him 'Moe-Moe...did you do that?', 'Did you do that?' He would hang his little face, turning it and looking side to side, barely able to meet my gaze. Turning and covering my mouth so as not to let him see me giggling, 'Shall I take that to be a confession?' (I did get the whole thing on video and when I'm able to convert to digital, I will add it to this at a later time.)

I made a 'kitty door' on my small bedroom door upstairs and thought it would serve as a getaway for the cats. I got home from work one evening and a fat miserable looking little puppy greeted me when I came in. He was so ill and his stomach so huge, it practically drug the ground. What on earth had happened to him?! I watched him closely and he seemed okay just fat and uncomfortable. Later that evening I noticed the cats' continuous feeder which could hold a whole bag of dry food was empty. Not just low, but completely EMPTY! I guess my usually chubby little puppy had squeezed his chubby little self through the cat door, but what I still can't figure out is how he got out!!

He's been with me through good times and bad times, we've had so much fun together, hiking, running, camping, swimming. But, this past week, he showed me that it was time for him to go. This has to have been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life and I prayed for the strength to get through it. I knew I had enough love. My fear was making the choice too soon or too late and I had asked him to let me know when it was time and prayed to know when it was time. I received very clear messages this week. While it was heartbreaking and difficult, my strong love for him gave me the strength I needed to say goodbye. My amazing vet and her staff were so kind and sensitive. The room had lit candles, and a big soft pallet for him to lie on. I requested sedation for him first and stayed curled up on the pallet next to him holding in my arms. After it was time to say goodbye, the vet hugged me through her own tears and gave me some time alone with him to say my goodbyes.

My heart aches so desperately at the deep loss I am feeling and for any pain he may have endured. But I feel liberated for him knowing his young strong spirit is no longer in pain, nor trapped in his old tired body. I like to think of him running, swimming, and playing with his Grandpop and all the other kitties and pups and I told him to save a good spot for me when it was time for me to join him. So I won't be saying goodbye to my dear friend, I will be saying 'So long for now, I'll see you later'.

I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together

Set a challenge, dig deep, make it personal, hit a goal...FIND YOUR GREATNESS!

"GREATNESS IS
WHEREVER SOMEBODY
IS TRYING TO FIND IT" Nike

and does NOT have to be physical

Deer Poo IS Awesome!

Here are some of Tabbi's adventures compiled into a fun little video:
ENJOY!

Something In The Air...

This morning I tipped the scale at a whopping 217.5 pounds, higher than I’ve been in well over a year.  This time last year I was around 185 pounds.  But, the amazing thing was, I just didn’t care.  I felt great today!  And it must have been something in the air, something light, something joyful, something happy, something unseen, yet something strong because when I got downstairs to take Moe-Moe out for a walk, he was in rare form and pulled me out of the house showing me he wanted to go for a ‘real’ walk, not just up and down his sidewalk!

Off we went into the neighborhood, Moe’s leg rigged in a handy sling I fashion out of his leash and me alongside holding his right rear weight up and getting a great upper body workout as a bonus.  I let him choose where we went and how long we were out there.  He went down and back, then continued on past home and went on the other direction for a bit before turning around.  As we were heading back, I noticed he was showing every indication of wanting to go down to the back of the neighborhood again, so this time I did cut it a little short to get him home to eat his breakfast and have his meds.  We had taken off before he had even done either.  He wasn’t too disturbed by this and we got him settled in while Tabs went out for a bit.  I got ready and packed her in the car and headed toward the park for some good times in the trails, in the shade and out of the direct sun. 

It was hot, but there was something different, about everything.  I felt light, happy.  Tabbi wasn’t pulling on her leash, I had pulled out some very light weight running shoes and decided to wear them, the air was hot, but there seemed to be a nice breeze and the shade felt amazing.

We had gone about a mile when I started hearing thunder claps, while all around us I saw blue skies and sunshine and it was HOT!  When I came to a place where I could view the skyline, it appeared to be storming, coming directly from the west and passing on to the north, passing over us again.  We continued on for a while then took a nice little water break at a picnic table.  A group of children came from off in one of the shelter areas and was headed our way to play on the playground equipment.  I love the sound of giggling kids, playing on the swings and inventing new games, challenging each other.  The children were having a great time on this beautiful sunny day in their very own specially carved out chunk of paradise.

Tabbi and I headed off for a little bit more time out in the woods.  The more we walked, the better I felt, stronger.  I was really enjoying this walk more than I had in ages.  I didn’t feel like I was carrying around concrete boulders on my feet, I felt light and springy, it didn’t feel like the air itself was pressing in on my chest squeezing and sucking all the wind out of me.  I just kept reveling in the awesomeness of the moment and how perfect it all was.  I felt so great that as we were almost back, I took a nice little run with my Tabs and she did very well, and so did I!

When we got back to the car and started to head home, we went through the park and out the long way.  There were deer, lots of squirrels, dozens of robins, and we even saw a great big fat groundhog!   This boy was huge!   We got out to the open road and could see above there were still bright puffy white clouds over us, but the storm having moved around us north and east, had apparently decided to head south as well!  I could see dark storm clouds and hear the thunder off to the south of us, and finally when the road opened out to see the southern sky well, there it was, lightening and dark streams of rain just pouring down directly to the south of us!

We got home and took a little break, and it must truly have been something in the air.  Just look at these two!  Tabbi wanted to snuggle close to Moe, and while it made him uncomfortable, he actually tolerated it for her today.

We’ve just come back inside from a potty break for the pups, the air is less humid, a breeze is blowing, and we do have some clouds.  But, it looks as if this one small area has been passed over once again for rain.  Even still, today I feel I enjoyed just a little piece of paradise.  Something in the air, indeed.